عُمرُ غُربتي!

pxi_0001بلغتُ منَ العمرِ في ألمانيا عاماً ونصف تقريباً، ربما يبدو (كزمن) ليسَ بالوقتِ الطويلِ، ولكن يُقال أنّ الطفلَّ في سنواته الأولى يكتسبُ الكمَّ الأكبرَ من المعلوماتِ لحياته المستقبلية !

وفعلاً .. وجدتُ نفسي كالطفل في النصف الأولِ منَ العام، في حماسه وانفتاحه وإقباله على كلّ جديدٍ، كنتُ أبني ادراكاً للمحيط حولي، وأتعرفُ على أبسط الأمور، أراقب ردات الفعل على تصرفاتي وشكلي، أكررُ ما أجده قد لاقى الإعجاب، أتعامل على طبيعتي، وأبكي عندما لا استطيع فعلَ ما أريد .. كنتُ انضم لأي نشاط قد يفيدني بالتعرفِ أكثرَ على هذا العالم ِالغريبِ.. وأحاولُ بكلِّ بساطةٍ أن أفهمَ ما يجري!

بعد هذه المرحله وجدتُ نفسي كَبُرت سريعاً فما مضى النصف الأول من العام حتى دخلت في فترةٍ جديدةٍ من عمرِّ الغربة، دعوني أشبهها بمرحلة المراهقة أو الرفض لما حولي، فكلّ الأشياء باتت معروفةً ومملةً درجة السقم، وبتُ أعرف ما سأرى وأجد في كل محاولةٍ جديدة بعد كل ما واجهته من رفضٍ أو عنصرية، ما عدتُ يومها أطيقُ طريقةَ التفكيرِ الألمانية، ولا التعامل معهم، بدأتُ أكره الحديثَ مع الأجانبِ وحتى العرب والتواصل مع الناس .. انكمشتُ على نفسي وقررتُ الانغلاق، بتُ أخاف النظرات والكلمات، وحتى مجاراتهم بأي حديث يخصُ السوريين، وبدأت ببناء جداري العازل!

لكن زوجي {يحيى} لمْ يخترِ الطريقَ القصيرَ السريع .. وما تركني أغوصُ في هذه المرحلة طويلاً ربما لمعرفته بما تعود على الشخصِ من أضرارٍ .. وساعدني وشجعني وألهمني كثيراً وكنت كلما وضعت حجراً في جداري أسقطه بكلماته..!!  ولا أنكرُ دور عائلتي وصديقاتي في سوريا وفي ألمانيا، احتضانهم لي عوضني كثيراً عن ما فقدته وما سأفقده، أنا ممتنه الآن لهدمهم جداري.

أما في المدةِ الأخيرة، اظنُ انني ازددت من الحكمة ما جعلني كل يوم أقارن أفكار المجتمع العربي بالمجتمع الألماني، وأيضاً ما يطرحه الإسلام من مفاهيم مع القوانين المُطبقة هنا، وبدأتُ أراجعُ نظره الغرب للعرب بشكل عام وللمسلمين بشكل خاص، ما عدتُ استغرب جهلهم بما يحدث في سوريا، ولا سَقمهم من الأعداد الوافدة عليهم بين يوم وليلة، اننا بكلّ بساطة ٍغرباءٌ عنهم، ومن الطبيعي أننا لن نجد الأحضان دوماً مفتوحةً لاستقبالنا.

سأتحدث في التدوينات القادمة عن الغربة من وجهة نظري، ولستُ أراها اشتياقاً للوطن وحنيناً لهوائه، كما أني لا أطيق التحدثّ بصفة المتألمِ المشتاقِ وإن كنتُ كذلك، سأروي ما أشاهدُ وأرى وسأكتبُ أفكاري حول الحياة الاجتماعية هنا وما قد يكون مفيداً لحقبة اضطر الكثير من السوريين أن يعيشوها سواءاً طواعيةً منهم أو كرهاً رغماً عنهم، سأدون مواقفاً وأحداثاً ربما تجعلنا نفهم أكثر ما يدور في الرؤوس الشقراء :).

 

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